Weblog

Monday, 12 October 2009

  • Reality Of Apparitions

    I've learned that there had been many documented cases where people see apparitions of people who are dead yet they appear normal even to the touch. They appear real, yet are really dead people who for whatever reasons can stay around for awhile. But eventually they go away. This is what maybe happened to Jesus. He died, but visited His friends who could touch Him and all, since apparitions have a body. But then He left. When people asked Christians where Jesus went, they made up the story that He ascended to heaven. And if indeed there is an afterlife, and all people survive death, then Jesus was no one special. He appeared to people just like all apparitions do. I've found myself easily believing in paranormal more than Jesus. Paranormal can be studied and be proven legit, yet when Christianity is scrutinized along with existence of God it seems to be unbelievable. Supporters of paranormal claim skeptics are ignorant and if we look at the amount of apparent evidence, skeptics become convinced of ghosts, mediums and ESP, etc. Yet when debate of whether God is real or not, evidence inform skeptics that He's not real, and skeptics can't get converted. I can't understand why I am so easily convinced that paranormal exists yet God seems imaginary. Yet I am only being led where scientists' evidence lead me, and I still can't fathom how people still believe in God when scientists had proven He doesn't exists. I seem to have an emotional investment for Him too exist, but my reasoning can't convince me to believe such fantasy as Jesus and God. Maybe hope in the delusion can still comfort me, and I dumb myself enough. If I believe in ghosts and afterlife, can belief in God be possible? God is elusive because His mere definition relies on absurdities. Infinity is only a concept in math, when we claim He is infinite and such He contradicts Himself. Ghosts can be seen. Mediums can be studied and verified legit. ESP can be proven in laboratories. But God is an enigma. Bible says only stupid people believe in Him, where as smart people don't, somewhat along the reasoning of only sick people needing a physician, or last are first and first are last. Such straying from logic and play with words seems God only wants to make Himself unbelievable. Jesus spoke in parables that no one understands for purpose of deluding the masses. God sends delusions to people like me. No wonder I struggle to believe in Him. Easier to believe in ghosts who some people see while no one sees God.

Sunday, 09 August 2009

  • Enemies Of God

    People always had trouble with the concept of hell, because Jesus taught people to love their enemies, yet God supposedly sends His enemies to hell. I am forced to guess that hell can't be that bad of a place to be. Truly, some Christians do admit it isn't a torture chamber, or that punishment will be equivalent to your sins. I conclude that hell is a creation by Christians, since Old Testament didn't teach it, only taught the grave, sheol. Why do Christians want so bad for their enemies to suffer, so much to teach that anyone who doesn't become like them, will burn and be tormented in hell. I think Christians are taught to not associate with nonbelievers, or anyone who discourages their faith or challenges them. They are suppose to be narrow minded and intolerant. Everyone unlike them are classified as lost or enemies of God. That is why when I read the bible, it is such bad news, when it cites how unbelievers will suffer. Gospel isn't good news when it is not for everyone, only for Christians. That's why I dislike Christianity so much, because it teaches Jesus only died for Christians, but bible says Jesus died for sins of the world, died for everybody, but Christians teach God's enemies go to hell. If Jesus died for the world I assume he died for more than just Christians, but I fear if I'm not a Christian I'll go to hell. It always upsets me if I am not a Christian, always tormenting myself doubting my salvation. I am fed up with it, and I don't care to be a Christian, because I am fine with going to hell. I am at peace no longer worrying about importance of being a believer, or requiring myself to be a Christian. I don't find it a moral obligation to believe the unbelievable, and if God requires nonbelievers to go to hell, then He is not a God I want to love and obey. I wish to be an enemy of God, better than to be coerced to believe in disagreeable tenets. I wish God was real even if I don't believe in Him. Even if bible is not Word of God, or that I can't have a relationship with Him, there's still hope that God is real. Maybe Christianity is false and Jesus is a fraud, but there is still hope for a benevolent God, just that He's unknown or undetected. But how would that kind of God be any different than an imaginary God? That's what I am forced to conclude, that the only God I accept is an imaginary one.

Friday, 24 July 2009

  • Immortality Versus Oblivion

    I had difficulty sleeping when I was staring at my bedroom in darkness, wondering if there's an afterlife or will life cease one of these days. I figure that when I die, I will return to oblivion of nonexistence just like before I was born. I didn't complain when billions of years passed before life without me, and I shall return to billions of years after me as not existing. Yet after billions of years before me, the waiting eventually arrived to my being born. Will subsequent nonexisting eventually lead to me being born again, as if eventual collapse of universe will propel the reversal of time where my life will proceed backwards alive again? Or will immortality of my current life meet me at death, an immortal soul. Will Resurrection lead to an immortal body? The longer I ponder on my death, it seems such a plain wishful thinking that immortality exists. Since I don't remember existing before I was born, it seems natural to conclude I won't exist after I die. The invention of the soul came about because people's longing for immortality is thwarted in body, so he imagines continual existing in spirit. If souls exists independent of a body why have bodies at all? Why wouldn't God invent souls instead of bodies that die, if souls never die. I would guess souls can't sin either if there's no body to do the sinning. Some bible believers claim souls do die, but eternal life is given to believers. My immediate impression on God and soul and afterlife, and junk like that, is wishing harder for it to be real doesn't make it real. If God doesn't exist, no matter how much I want Him to exist, He still won't exist. And if a lot of people have the delusion, it doesn't make it real. Only hope I have is that what appears real may not be, that appearance of no God may still allow God to exist. That somehow against reason and evidence, God can exist, and that I can spend eternity with Him. I've always proclaimed that it's better to not believe in God erroneously, than believe in Him erroneously. Better to have an afterlife in hell than no afterlife at all. I sometimes wish for an evil God than no God at all, and it looks like if there is a God, He is indeed evil and imperfect. Maybe that's the answer. I've long assumed God need be good and loving and thus denied His existence. Maybe a real God does exist, and He is evil, imperfect, and stupid. Better than no God at all.

Thursday, 09 July 2009

  • Book Of Revelation Inspires Delusions

    I read a history of the book of Revelation, and learned that throughout history people thought the world would end and Jesus was coming back. It didn't end and Jesus never returned. Why do we assume if someone has a vision and writes it down that it is true and of God? John had a vision, but like all people with visions, it was probably a hallucination and delusional. Church was very reluctant to include this book in the canon, because they knew it speaks of stuff that's crazy. They resolve the problem saying that it's not literal, and we need to read it spiritually, whatever that means. John didn't like people who aren't Christians, so he fantasized how they all will get punished and go to hell while true believers end up in paradise. That's how Revelation got inspired and written. It is a vengeance thing. And since John hated Romans, he makes it known that whoever participates in their economy by buying things, mark of the beast, they go to hell. John also hated sex, so whoever isn't a virgin goes to hell too. It's obvious the Book was written by John to vent his anger on things he dislikes, to imagine great punishment on his enemies, and have Jesus bring paradise to true believers. Everybody whoever hated someone, will claim he is the Beast, and think the world was going to end and Jesus returning. It is frightening when people like Ronald Reagan believed in the delusion and thought the world was ending, and was willing to participate in nuclear holocaust. A lot of Christians claimed they want U.S. to start a nuclear war because of 9/11 so Jesus will come back. Even Bush claimed entry into the war was God's will, and wanted to hurry Armageddon and end of world. It is so delusional to believe Revelation is true just because it's in the bible, and that Jesus is coming back. He was suppose to come back long ago. He hasn't yet, and it's most likely He won't ever come back. The world will end one of these days, but God has nothing to do with it. And Christians won't get raptured to be spared of dying. Of course I'm most likely going to die and not witness end of the world, as like most of us, so our end of the world will be our own deaths. Whether there is an afterlife or will I meet God or Jesus is my question. I hope God and all of that delusion is true, but I'm not going to waste my time preparing for Jesus returning while I'm alive. Just because something is told in the bible, I'm not going to believe in it. I've learned religious experience is the same as delusional thinking, which means all the writers of the bible probably were suffering from psychosis. When you hear voices and see visions it just isn't normal, or it could just be an overactive imagination. Church tries to not take people with visions seriously, but some sprout up, and will claim world is ending from their studying of Revelation, but it doesn't. These people come and go, and die like all people. Whether God truly spoke to them we can't be sure. I use to believe Book of Revelation, but realized it was common for writers to write Apocalyptic writings, and we don't take them others seriously why should we take this one seriously? Just because it was included in the bible, when Church was reluctant to do so? It's the same with all Christian writings, are we to believe what distinguishes Christian writing true or not is whether it's canonized?

Tuesday, 09 June 2009

  • Afterlife Experiments

    Apparently some people had experimented with validating existence of afterlife. Partaking in those experiments were mediums who supposedly get messages from dead people. The scientists rigorously tested these mediums, and some of the sitters being probed were unknown to the mediums, so there wasn't a chance for private detectives giving mediums inside information. Like all scientific experiments, there were controls and stuff, and though the mediums can't get 100% accurate on their readings, they scored high enough to say they weren't guessing like cold readers. A group of guessers were used and they scored a zero. It was pronounced that these mediums were really in contact with the dead. My first thought was that mediums cohort with the devil, and any vibe from supernatural dimension were from devil who were observing the dead people when they were alive so were privy to their life history. And if there is a place where dead souls survive, I don't think it's a heaven or hell, but just a sheol where everyone goes to. If there is a heaven will our grandparents be there, and will they be old? If they are in heaven, they would be with grandparents, and them with their grandparents, until we retreat to Adam and Eve. Everyone has grandparents and why would they spend eternity with their grandchildren as old people. Christians claim people will appear 30ish and not as old grandparents in heaven, but if they died as children will they be grownups in heaven? What about aborted babies? However, if mediums are getting messages from the devil, that means there exists a devil. Is devil more credible than dead spirits surviving? If stars exist while they blow up, as they travel light years forever, people exists as life energy as eternal consciousness. It makes sense that my consciousness will continue, overwise I can't die, because I need to be "alive" to know I'm dead. Or am I saying I can't die, if I need always be conscious of myself for anything to matter. I'm still skeptical about heaven and hell existing, but if there is an afterlife, I'll go there regardless of me knowing about it or believing in it. If it's hell where I'm destined, I'll belong there instead of in heaven where I'm unaccepted unless I'm a Christian. Better to go to hell where I belong, than to heaven where I'm unaccepted by bunch of intolerant people. But maybe everyone goes to heaven, even those who don't believe. I'm wishing for that kind of God, who saves everyone, and loves everyone, who fits my imaginary God who I long to believe in. Everybody else seems to imagine a God to their own liking, and call Him Jesus or Johnny. Someone once asked God what's His name, and the reply was Sam, and the agnostic didn't understand why God would be called Sam. He claims he looked Samuel up in a dictionary, and it meant name of God. I don't know if Samuel in Hebrew really means name of God, but I take his word for it, just like I take his word that there is an afterlife that he verified with his experiments. But it's just something I read in a book. I trust most authors and scientists are sincere in their conclusions and aren't in deception business. Some mediums are known frauds, but does that mean none are genuine?

hugothree

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About Me

  • A friend shared with me the gospel of Jesus Christ, and I figured it applied to me, and so I said that ditty prayer inviting Him into my life. That was in 1989. Nothing happened much since then. Which sent me spiraling into a world of doubt and confusion, and thinking about Jesus and junk, and whether I'm truly saved. I know Jesus died for my sins, but can't quite discover what conditions I need to meet to get saved. Is believing required? Believe how long? Submission? Surrendering? How much praying, church-going and bible reading is it required? In this Xanga site, I hope to share all my Christian grief, in hopes someone can relate and comment by responding.

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